Creepy guy at door

There was just a guy from AT&T at the door.  He made stupid comments about cable.

We tried to set up their service when we moved but when calling back they said they only had satellite service here so we did not go with them.

This guy came to make stupid comments about apples and toilets.

People are always making stupid comments about apples for some reason and there is something with toilets.

Then a recruiter called to rub in that her husband and family would be visiting her and said they want to make sure I am happy.  I am assuming she is from AA I guess.

So, they read my blog. 

I won't be using AT&T now, that is for sure.  I used to think their service was good, but forget it now.

This guy was creepy.  Who would go to somebody's house and make creepy comments?

These people are creepy stalker types.  I think I need to call and ask to have this guy kept away from me, he was stellarly creepy.

I think he was rubbing in that I pay more. 

These people are creepy, harrassers with creepy personalities.  Ugh.  This guy was creepy like the people that come to your door and try to convert you.  Or like the guy in college who told me my lips were like brussel sprouts and he wanted to bite into them. 

I think they hijacked my phone.  They talk my ex into doing things by making false accusations so one day he pretended to take a picture of me and my daughter and really looked up the number on my phone so they could clone it.

So I call numbers and I think I don't really get who I am calling.

Ubercreepy.  You know this guy has a collection of headless barbie dolls somewhere.

You hear weird stories about scientology but nobody talks about the creepy crap that these people from AA do. 

As a disclaimer, there were a lot of people when I first started AA before I ran into the wrong people that were definitely cool people.  I guess there is just a bad apple in every barrel.

I think the people that rented the house before me or maybe someone who checked out the apartment before we moved into it made a superdump in the toilet.  That was probably the toilet reference.  We had to plunge.

They are just creepy harrassers.  I am calling AT&T and telling them I don't want this guy knocking at my door again.  Go play with your headless barbie collection and stop harrassing single moms.

More Harrassment

AA somehow freaked out and was paranoid about being sued or having me tell people about how horrible they treated me so they constantly try to mess with me and spread rumors.  Any time they neeed someone to help harrass them they spread a new rumor.  They seem awful scared about what I might say about them.  They are strangely petty to a degree I have never seen before and I am not used to people like that.

My opinion is that they are super prejudiced about mental disorders and also it is not a great place for women.  I am sure there are tons of women that have been helped by the program but I wonder how many other people have been harrassed like me.  Initially, I did not want to tell anyone about what they do because I think the book and the program are good and did not want anyone not to get the treatment they needed because of me but this is starting to get a little silly.

Today I went to get after school childcare for my daughter and they were weird and then the place we are using suddenly "raised their rates".  But they haven't published those rates yet on their website.

Okay, sure, uh huh.  What am I going to do, leave my kid alone while I work? 

So here is my opinion, if you are a woman or have a mental illness, do not go to serenity house in mundelein illinois.  Sure, the harrassment may be a bunch of lies and misunderstandings, which is possible, but why risk it?  Don't go there - if someone suggest it, just smile and nod and get a brochure for another district. 

10 years of them spreading rumors about me and lies so that people will harrass me.

Repercussions:

My daughter does not have a father who lives with her because they make false accusations and spread lies to her fathers family and try to blame things on me.

Also, my mom lives in filth and does not see her daughter and granddaughter.

They spread lies and false accusations to get people I know to harrass me in order to brag about the fact that they can do it.

Who is that petty? 

They try to tell people that I have a personality disorder.  I may have whatever, but come on, what do you have to have to harrass a single mom who does nothing but tries to make it in this world and take good care of her kid who came to you for help when she did not want to die by drinking herself to death?

They spread rumors to try and keep me from doing anything that is fun.  I don't care, I will still do things.

People always say weird stuff to us, I never understand any of it, but I recognize the repeating and the tone they use when they think they are saying something that I am supposed to understand.

I know they spread rumors about something at a cubs game and something at a packers game because of comments.  I don't think I have ever seen the packers play but I do love the cubs. 

However, aside from drinking and cheering, nothing significant has ever happened at a game.

Other than that, the comments are just weird.

They like to use the numbers 40 and today the woman at daycare used the number 24 like 800 times so I assume their is something to that.

Then their is a rumor about a barstool, but that is all I have.

I think they look up their members step 5s to look for things they have done or pick people who have committed crimes that they need to cover for.

That is not what the big book says people should do.

They use kids.  Adults who want to do bad things always use kids.  Thats why their are so many kids in gangs.  I don't know what they tell them to get them to participate but they are always willing.

Then, people don't give me info.  I called my daughter's school to get some info and they make a crack about it being sent home in her paperwork.  There is some stupid rumor about paperwork that they spread as an excuse to get people to not give me good service and make stupid cracks but I will be damned if I know what it is, so what is the point of telling it to me?   Tell it to someone who gets the joke.

I tried to hook up with an old girlfriend but they made her think I wanted to live with her for free (another lie, that I want to live with someone for free) and then her brother in law made some comment about not being able to afford a wife and kid.  I think they tell people I would go with any guy or some crap.  How I feel is I am still trying to get over my husband so, thanks, but no thanks.

They have some group that communicates via facebook that they tell what to say to me.

The lady at the drug testing place I used for work made some crack about needing a sweatshirt and the smell of a heater when you first turn it on.  Once again, why harrass me with your inside jokes? 

Then they tell me through things posted to my school that they spread lies to try and protect AA members from me (yes, I am very scary).  Also, some crap about the art of war and what they do:  divide and conquer, get someone in trouble so you can pretend to help them out of it, etc. etc. 

What I notice that they do is get AA members in different places to spread lies to people to get them to cooperate.  And they get people to cover for the things they do.  They keep trying to get me to sign paperwork when I go places and have the person fill out the rest of the document.  I am guessing at some poing they forged my signature for something and need to cover.

The whole reason beside it (which they have bragged about) is to keep my family and friends and other people from wanting to hang out with me.  They actually printed a bogus magazine so they could put articles in it about isolating me and banishing me.  What kind of a person do you have to be to do something like that?

I tried to get on a show so I could talk about it on a talk show and take a lie detector test to prove I have never done anything so people would stop harrassing me but they used their contacts there to prevent me from getting on a show.  They probably don't want me telling my story on tv, right?  It makes them look pretty awful.

At work they had someone hack into their system and then they had them have a calendar with things scheduled on it on the computer they used and then they had people in town try to schedule things so it looked like it was my calendar.

How do I know this?  Good hearing.

They make false accusations against my spouse that I am separated from because they do this.  They get him to make the same stupid comments around me to see if I will get upset and then when I make comments they tell him I am doing the same thing to him, but I am not.  I can see his face and tell they make the same stupid comments to him too.

Stupid comments about peanut allergies.  I don't know anyone who has ever had a reaction to a peanut or any nut so who knows what that is about.

Oh, and comments about something happening in vegas and something at a comedy show with the cable guy.  Just things so if I ever go to vegas or a comedy show they can get some creepy person to harrass me.

I heard a woman at work say they were just trying to blacklist me.

Here is what I have learned about human nature:

A whole lot of people are willing to harrass a person for no good reason, but not many are willing to stand up and do something about it when an innocent woman is being harrassed.

If it were me, I would stand up for that person.  Not like I would get in a fist fight about it or anything but I would not agree to participate.  So you know what they have taught me?  I am a good person.  And sometimes that is something that is good to know about yourself.  And I am also a lot stronger than I ever thought I could be, and that is something else that is good to know also.

And you know what I regret?  Not standing up for myself (although, if I could go back in time I just would have gone somewhere else for AA). 

Here is what I regret:  there was a nice guy at AA with schizophrenia.  And he was not taking his medication.  And it broke my heart to hear him talk about using the program to try and help himself and talking about jesus christ helping him and he was not sleeping.  And I knew that someone should tell him how much better he would feel if he took medication, but I was having some troubles with my medication at the time and I would have trouble going to meetings, it was too much stimulation and I just had to leave and I never had the chance to tell him how much my medication helped me or just to be nice to him because I know how hard it is to live with a mental illness and how a lot of people really don't understand and have a lot of fear and misinformation. 

Harrassed

For a long time now people from aa and anyone they can talk into it have been harrassing me.  I get comments wherever i go.  It started at work.  The lady who hired me had a conflict with the higher ups and ended up leaving the company and suing them.  So did her secretary.  Before that things were fine.  After that they became lawsuit paranoid and seemed to think i would sue them too and were determined to prevent that from happening.

These days i am aware of what they do.  They spread rmors about me and then also do things for which i am blamed.  I know this because they brag about it to me every chance they get.  They try to pin crimes on me or spread rmors that i have done something that i haven't and then insinuate that they are doing it to punish me for something else i have done.  Only. I haven't done any of it. They are punishing me for extremely petty grievances and using their connections to harrass me.  They use kids a lot.  Not young kids but teenagers and people in their twenties i think.

Whenever they want someone to harrass me they spread whatever rumor will get their deed done.

At work, it started with overhearing comments and became more blatant.

Comments about a girl in a green shirt and then people wearing the same shade of ugly green.  Comments about a red shirt could be mistaken for orange.  Eventually i realized these comments were about the rumors they were spreading about me.

My experience with 12-step

After i landed in the hospital for the first time due to super mania, it was suggested to me to try a 12-step group for my self medicating.  Dutifully, i tried.  However, the meds were off a little at the time and it was hard quitting everything at once.  I was honestly trying though.  Unfortunately i managed to step on the toes of some of the guys where i attended and they really reacted strongly.  It was stupid stuff really.  Once, i sneezed in my hands and did not want to grab the hands of the guy next to me as i had slimed my hand a liitle bit.  Angrily, he grabbed my hand and it was then i noticed his missing fingers.  Just one of those stupid misunderstandings but after that he really had it in for me.  I know he was not the biggest fan of women because of how he talked about the girls in catholic school and how they would taunt him. 

Another time a friend of his was really crappy to me in a meeting.  Him and the other people in the room started talking crudely about going to the bathroom and toilet paper sticking to his butt.  I said "too much information".  I don't think they like when people stand up for themselves, especially women.

Then at a later meeting he read this part where they talk about psychopaths who can't be helped and him and his friends looked at me and laughed.  Thus began the rumors about me.

I tried going to different places for meetings but they were creepy to me and made crappy comments wherever i went.  My sponsor started to treat me strangely.  People kept putting me in a dark room and then suddenly turning a bright light on to see if i could see okay.  I am not particularly light sensitive so i was like "what the heck?  Apparently pschopathic people must be sensitive to bright lights.  I was like " you have GOT to be kidding me about how they were acting but they were serious.

I vented my frustration to a therapist i had just started seeing and she must have said something because after that they were horrible to me and the rumors started in full force.  I think they were paranoid i was going to sue because they made snarky comments about the place being a non-profit group.  I needed the help so badly i continued to attend.  People avoided me and i heard comments about locking up their money.  I still could not believe this was happening to me.

Then my sponsor told. E about an 18-year old girl overdosing on heroin and i said "that's a hard drug and she just kind of looked at me funny.

Honestly, to this day i don't know her name or even the color of her hair but i think maybe they were worried her family would sue.

I think they tried to kill 2birds with one stone and told her family i was responsible so they and/or i would not sue them.  Soon afterwards i stopped going to the meetings.

In the Beginning

In the beginning, there was hypomania and days I was up and days I was down.  When I was little, I thought the ups and downs were tied to something.  Like every other time I wore a shirt I would have a good day and every other time I had a bad day.  All you know is you have good and bad days and times and parts of years but you don't understand why.  Every spring I was able to lose some weight with no effort.  Summers felt good and falls and winters were tough. 

And then there were periods of depression.  Depression meant staying in bed and carb cravings.  Not being able to do things, crying, and then, eventually, wanting to die but too scared to do so and hating myself for the whole thing.

Then, when I got a little older, there was self-medication.  Self-medication ended the depression but gave rise to anxiety attacks, which I am told is part of being bipolar. 

Then came a time when I finally tried to seek help and ended up with severe mania.

For the beginner, bipolar disorder is periods of depression interspersed with periods of either mania or hypomania.  There are variations and some people mostly get one or the other or cycle so fast you don't know what they have, or get tricky with it and mix them up, but that is the basic ghist of it.

Depression=wanting to die, eat carbs, lie in bed and not doing much of anything.  You sleep a lot.  You couldn't flirt if it would save your life.  You don't have money because you can't get yourself to work. 

Hypomania= feeling good, getting a lot done, including whole new projects, losing some weight, shopping starts to feel a little extra enjoyable, you buy a pair of shoes and life is good.  You sleep a little less.  And maybe you feel a little flirtatious.  You have lots of money because you are doing great at work.

Mania = feeling too good, you bring home a bag of shoes (or sneak it in when your spouse/boyfriend is not looking), losing a lot of weight, not really feeling like you need to eat, large projects (your whole house gets redecorated including many art projects).  You don't sleep that much.  You feel very flirtatious.  You may do well at work but you are also spending that money.

Super duper mania mixed with alcohol = speaking in tongues, taroh cards, special powers, everybody is your best friend, you say a bunch of stupid crap, your clothes from junior high hang loosely off of your super skinny self, you get kicked out of a bar for the first time in your life and you super freak people out. You don't sleep, period.  You feel slutty and don't care.  Thank god you are not working.

Then comes the medication.  For a while it doesn't work good enough.  Maybe the side effects of the first medicine are bad.  Then you (hopefully) get more or different medication.  Some people don't stay on the meds because they like to feel hypomania.  Some people stay on meds because they fear the mania or depression or feel better.

Either way, you feel a lot different.  All of a sudden you are this weird, eerie calm version of yourself.  Some people around you don't like it, they liked the old you.  Hypomania can mean a lot of personality.  Suddenly, it's gone.  Who the hell are you now?  It takes a while to get used to.  Sometimes you feel a little like a zombie but that goes away.

Finally, you can start with a whole, new calm life.

But wait, some people are weird to you because they hear what you are.  Bipolar.  Isn't that what manson and dahmer and that guy who dressed like a clown and that guy you heard about in the news you just lost it and obliterated a mall/workplace/school have?

Um, no. 

This is when you find out that some people who are older don't act like grownups.  A lot of people.  A whole lot of people.

And suddenly, you do.  You really do.  So what now?