My experience with 12-step

After i landed in the hospital for the first time due to super mania, it was suggested to me to try a 12-step group for my self medicating.  Dutifully, i tried.  However, the meds were off a little at the time and it was hard quitting everything at once.  I was honestly trying though.  Unfortunately i managed to step on the toes of some of the guys where i attended and they really reacted strongly.  It was stupid stuff really.  Once, i sneezed in my hands and did not want to grab the hands of the guy next to me as i had slimed my hand a liitle bit.  Angrily, he grabbed my hand and it was then i noticed his missing fingers.  Just one of those stupid misunderstandings but after that he really had it in for me.  I know he was not the biggest fan of women because of how he talked about the girls in catholic school and how they would taunt him. 

Another time a friend of his was really crappy to me in a meeting.  Him and the other people in the room started talking crudely about going to the bathroom and toilet paper sticking to his butt.  I said "too much information".  I don't think they like when people stand up for themselves, especially women.

Then at a later meeting he read this part where they talk about psychopaths who can't be helped and him and his friends looked at me and laughed.  Thus began the rumors about me.

I tried going to different places for meetings but they were creepy to me and made crappy comments wherever i went.  My sponsor started to treat me strangely.  People kept putting me in a dark room and then suddenly turning a bright light on to see if i could see okay.  I am not particularly light sensitive so i was like "what the heck?  Apparently pschopathic people must be sensitive to bright lights.  I was like " you have GOT to be kidding me about how they were acting but they were serious.

I vented my frustration to a therapist i had just started seeing and she must have said something because after that they were horrible to me and the rumors started in full force.  I think they were paranoid i was going to sue because they made snarky comments about the place being a non-profit group.  I needed the help so badly i continued to attend.  People avoided me and i heard comments about locking up their money.  I still could not believe this was happening to me.

Then my sponsor told. E about an 18-year old girl overdosing on heroin and i said "that's a hard drug and she just kind of looked at me funny.

Honestly, to this day i don't know her name or even the color of her hair but i think maybe they were worried her family would sue.

I think they tried to kill 2birds with one stone and told her family i was responsible so they and/or i would not sue them.  Soon afterwards i stopped going to the meetings.